{ Disappointment }

On December 15 we hosted our annual Christmas open house. 

Honestly, I have put off posting about it because I have been hoping I could get to the place 

of giving it a glowing review, but I haven't.  

It was a disappointment for me, for the most part. 

It was a lot of work to prepare for and we didn't end up having very many guests. 

 Thankfully Tim feels like it was a success, at least to a large degree. 

I am grateful for that because I have just not gotten past being disappointed. 

 I have dealt with feeling guilty for that perspective. Somehow it doesn't seem "okay" to feel disappointed. 

I think I should be able to put on my happy face. 

Not sure why I expect that of myself all the time. 

In the grand scheme of things, this holiday season has been extremely rich and fulfilling, 

easily one of my favorite Christmas seasons ever, so one event that didn't come off like I would have wanted is not the end of the world. 

We combined Katy Grace's 1st birthday party with this Christmas party since it was her actual birthday. Because of that, I know I had much higher expectations. 

Obviously she isn't old enough to really care about her party so of course she wasn't disappointed. 

1st birthdays are, however, much more for the mom, in all reality, and all I could think was, 

"This is how it's going to be every year because her birthday falls so close to Christmas." 

We ended up having a good amount of people for her party, 

but the first hour of our party no one had showed up 

and the last three hours before the party was supposed to start, we had five families cancel. 

 I was in tears by the time the party started, 

but after praying with Tim that we would be grateful for however the party went, 

I was able to put my disappointment aside enough to focus on Katy's birthday, 

knowing I didn't want to ruin the memory of it. 

I had a smile on by the time people arrived. 

Our guests all came in the same hour and left together, for the most part, 

so it was a shorter party than we were prepared for, 

but it ended up being nice that we could put the kids to sleep at their usual time 

and have time to just relax in the evening. 

It took me a few days to sort out my emotions about my overall perspective. 

I analyzed and re-analyzed the event until I was driving Tim crazy. 

It is good to finally get this post underway. 

It should help to move on.

 I wish I could always have fond memories of this things I do in my life, but that isn't realistic. 

No one ever can. 

I am grateful that our guests seemed to have a good time. 

 I am glad we went to the effort to throw a party. 

I am thankful for the guests who came and for their joy in celebrating Katy's birthday with us. 

I am thankful for the friends who couldn't come, too and sorry that sickness kept so many away. 

I will post another blog soon with details of Katy Grace's birthday, 

but for now here are a few pictures of the party.